As a young person,I feared growing older and when I listen to the young people I work with, I smile when I think back to how wrong I was about life as a mature adult. When I turned sixty, everyone was in shock, because apparently, everyone thought I was lying about my age.
‘You look so much younger. You sure you not turning forty?’
They could not believe it and neither could I. I must confess, it felt weird. I could not believe that the years had crept up on me so soon. After all the comments, I too was in doubt. Here I am walking upright, smooth skin, strong legs, eyes that had remained more less stable despite staring at computer screens for so many years.
I am feeling amazing. Not at all like I thought I’d feel. It always bothered me that I might feel old, decrepit, ailing, depressed and lost. Truth be told, I am feeling amazing. I am looking amazing and I thank the universe that I have reached this far. I could do with more exercise but who cares. I look better than people half my age. I could give up the sugar, and have on occasion gone completely sugarless but what’s life without a bit of sweetness? I sometimes color my hair but these days don’t mind a bit of grey showing. I still have most of my teeth which many have commented are very attractive despite the odd chip here and there.
Thankfully, I am neither a drinker nor a smoker, except for the very occasional glass of bubbly at family gatherings, I have very little tolerance for alcohol. I constantly moisturize my skin – a habit I started as soon as I received my first salary as a young nineteen-year old.
As a young person, I became easily depressed over nonsense. My hair, my weight – I was constantly on some diet or another, trying diet pills, experimenting with fasting for days until I felt faint. My job, my salary, the company I worked for and a myriad other seemingly important matters.
I was constantly dissatisfied, comparing myself to others in my age group. I drove myself hard, trying to keep up with others but constantly feeling like a failure. I imagined that everyone was laughing at me and they might have been only because I made a fool of myself trying so hard.
My looks bothered me so I wore just way too much make-up. I spent a small fortune purchasing advertised goods to make myself look better. It was only when I started wearing contact lenses that I realised just how much make-up I was wearing and why I was attracting the wrong attention from the wrong people. No-one took me seriously and those who did, were merely pretending.
Self-pity was my best friend and it is only now as an older, wiser person that I understand that we create our own reality with thoughts, emotions and right actions.
I feel great. Depression and self-pity are not even a distant memory. It is alien. So alien that when I recognise it in others, I want to whip out the bug spray and douse it in a cloud of poison but then I have to remind myself that they are just learning the same lessons I had to learn in order to find my true self.
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I work less, yet I am far more productive, engaged and interested in life. That which I considered important has become trivial. I expend my energy on that which enhances my life. I don’t engage negative people and won’t listen to anyone who wants to convince me of ‘reality’. Reality as most people understand it consists only of death and destruction. I want to live, so I focus on living. On learning something new everyday, on growing into a better version of myself and improving my focus and positive mindset.
That which drains me has no place in my existence. I feel worthy. I feel alive and I feel that life is worth living.
earthmission 